I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
