I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
