i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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