Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
