you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
