Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
