My room smells like vodka and shame
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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