Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
only you would photoshop your dick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
