i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
