Sry I called you an 8
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
