Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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