it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
