Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
