My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
