Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
