I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize