4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
