How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
