I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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