He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
