Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I checked into jail on foursquare
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
