mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
