So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize