I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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