Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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