I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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