just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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