Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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