Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
