No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
