i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
