the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
