I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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