he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
