he puts the penis in happiness.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
