she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
