There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
