apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
