got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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