Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
