i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
