happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
