he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
