Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
