I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
