Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
