I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
