why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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