Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
