You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
