does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
