I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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