Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
