Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
