Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
