apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
