I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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