I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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