Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
