Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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