Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
