its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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