i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
