shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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