Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
