You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
