Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sobbing to NWA
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
